The black Plague has returned!

Ok so maybe that is just a little drastic but that is exactly how I feel right now. I have a cold/flu and I do not feel good what so fucking ever! Symptoms include:

- fever - muscle and joint pain - coughing - sore throat - fatigue - weakness - runny nose - headache
- unability to concentrate properly - last but not least emergency bathroom running every 10 minutes

I would like to add to this list of "Complaint and Rant" that I still had to run all over town with a 2 and a half year old including a trip to the pediatricion that always ends up being a god damn drama show, make food and I was not able to take a nap without having a 18 pound cat pouncing on me every 10 minutes licking my face.
I did though finaly get some sleep which I was endlessly grateful for until I then had a monster my son wake me up wailing because he has also caught whatever I have God only knows what the hell it may be. I'm still putting my bets on the Plague!
Well...here I am, surviving, barely, with my cup of tea and the best kind of therapy there is:

Bitching

Alright, alright I'm feeling a bit better, not going to make it sound too dramatic, plus there are things to look forward to and the day sorta had nice moments as well.

a.) My kid stopped acting like a monkey, thank God!

b.) I made home made french fries that tasted fab!

c.) My kid and I are celebrating more successful potty training!

d.) I'm going shopping for the rest of his kindergarden supplies tomorrow...which all and all could

     become a curse instead of a blessing if I don't start feeling better!!!

e.) Kindergarden starts next week Tuesday and I will have 6 hours per day where I can run my

     errands IN PEACE and take care of other adult things while Danny has 6 hours to play and be

     happy. YAY!!!

f.) Which should have been a.)...forgive me Dear...My wonderful partner that cares if I die from the

     plague or not and loves me very much!

EPIC home made French Fries *yum*

Yeah good stuff ^ going on!

Now that I have finished my Rant I am going to drag my tired ass bum back to bed and try to start feeling somewhat better! Pray for me.

My kind of Therapy: Writing

So today was a day from hell a busy Thursday. I had tons of errands to run and more tons of paperwork to do for all sorts of things, my divorce that is taking too damn long to name one. To name another going back to college has been on my mind. There are many things to consider and it's a big choice. I'm almost 25 and a single parent of a toddler who is starting kindergarden next week. As much as many people would just say "So?!", I suppose I'm just doubting if I have what it takes to juggle raising a child, studying and bringing home the bacon all at once. 
I also struggle with the idea of perhaps being too old to be pressing the school bench, How would people view me? What would my friends and family think about me starting all over? I feel like everyone would simply view me as uncertain what I even want from life. 
The pressure is on, truly, by this age everyone is finally getting the cash, are over with school and I'd be the only one tagging along still burrying my face in books.

As I sit here writing I can't help but wonder... Who makes up all these rules to begin with? I'm certainly not the only person who has these same "I'm too old for" thoughts and fears...I'm not the first to experience them and I surely won't be the last. So seriously who comes up with them? All of these "normal standards" and more importantly:

Why do we let them control our desicions, feelings, ambitions and our very lives?

My only answer would be society. Society has sprung a shit ton of rules beginning with "all women need to have shaved legs to be considered sexy" and ending with "It's wrong for a 32 year old woman to date a 23 year old guy". When I stop and think for a moment, my entire life has been based around the "standard ideas" of how my life should be in the eyes of society. But is this what I wanted? Did I ever really choose to do what Heidi wanted? I never wore the green normal tshirt with my worn out pair of jeans to school, because it was "unfit" to wear to school... I never dared to not shave my legs or my bikini area, because I would be ridiculed for it later on by other girls/women starring at me in the classroom/bus/subtrain/office/pool... Did I feel like shaving though? No. Sometimes I just didn't care, but I had to. These are only small examples on a wide spread table full of life experiences where I wasn't truly being me, I was being society agreeable me. I was faking.

Therefor where have I gotten... I've been depressed, barely ever satisfied with what I accomplish and always left searching for something more satisfactory. I was always feeling empty, as if something was simply missing in my life. I am starting to see what has been missing. I have been missing. So I am going to quit society. I am breaking up with that bitch and moving on to a partner that will last me a life time. Someone who is loyal and someone I can live with in harmony. Me. Myself. I.

As to college all over and a new career? Who knows, I'm thinking and I am not 100% it's the right choice for my life right now, but when I make the choice to do or not to do I am going to make it with what is right for ME in the back of my mind, not what's right for people in general. I have to live with myself, I have to be happy with myself, not society and not the rest of the world.